“要舍才能得，不舍就不得。”

Sometimes when we really want something badly, we got to ask ourselves, how much is it worth?

In chinese there's a saying, “要舍才能得，不舍就不得。”

It means, you need to let go in order for you to get/ receive. If you don't let go, then you can't get/ receive.

Makes me ponder, what is it I was not willing to let go of? What was it I was so attached to?

If I want it the way I want it badly enough, am I ready to lose everything as well?

I think I've reached a point where I'm not willing to settle down for anything less. So here goes...

ALL or NOTHING.

At this point, I had a realization - the thing I was not willing to let go of, was my sense of perfection.

WTF.

And that brings me to back to the starting point - "What should I do next?"

And then another realization came - maybe, I wasn't ready to let go of my indecisiveness.

WTF.

Alright, back to ALL or NOTHING again.

PS: I miss my clarity. I wish she can bring us out of this loop.

I love Me!

Writing this entry to remind myself of this certainty I'm feeling currently.

• No one else can provide me with certainty. Only I can give myself the state of reassurance and certainty I need
• If you want something from someone, and when you are prepared to give him what he wants, you will realize you will get what you want too
• I love myself enough to give myself the certainty that I do want this relationship, a lot.
• The more I try to run away from getting hurt, the more I would be hurt
• The more I try to deny myself from my feelings, the more I find it harder to move on
• The more I try to seek security outside, the more insecured I would feel inside. The more secured I feel inside, the more sense of security I get outside.
• When I stop blocking my emotions from flowing, I am one with my heart and mind.
• I love me.
  
• I love him.
• I love me enough to love him.
• Gosh, I love this feeling of self-love, certainty and sense of security. I am so freaking moved.
• I love me, I love me, I love me.... I love me... Gosh, I love this new me...
• Alright, now what's left is an act of courage... Let's Do It!!!
  

The Courage to Create

I just completed "The Courage to Create" coaching program over the weekend.

What's nice are...

• I did this program with a primary and sec school mate
• Finding out the source for my fear of rejection, lack of trust, independence, lost-ness etc came from
  
• Did many Acts of Courage and let go of many emotional baggage
• Free up a lot of trapped energies
• An ex-crush complimented me that I looked more attractive these days
• I am more charismatic, clear, attractive, free, grounded etc
  
• Deepened self-love and connection to self
• Improved a lot of relationships as a result of these Acts of courage
• Gained a lot of clarity about my life and the direction i'm heading to
• Attracted free bag of fries and a burger
• Had an interesting experience at Vivocity
  

Latest Happenings...

My latest happenings...

• Program Manager for the creation of a leadership program. Working closely with a team of 30 ppl to make this happen.
  
• Assistant Director of a movie (local independent production) - shooting in progress this weekend, but i'm not around... so...
• Helping out at the editing team
• Watched 4 movies within the last 2 weeks. Would be catching another movie this evening
• Practised a lot of chinese at work while working closely with the system analyst from china
• Supporting cast for a local tv reality show. Screening in Dec! Woot!
• Coaching private client from Sotheby. Cool experience~
• Came across this term, Conference Producer, for the 1st time and i think it sounds cool. Hmm...
• Played a few rounds of bball
• Celebrated Halloween and wore costume for my 1st time too.
• Would be reviewing a coaching program this weekend with a pri school mate. Cool~
• Read 3 new books this month. Borrowed another 4 books at the library. Can't wait to finish them all
• Lost 2 kg. But just put on another kg last night after visiting Carl's Jr. >_<
• Meeting new people. Great. Now's high time to catch up with old friends. =)

That's all... would be expecting Nov. to be a month of new experiences, productivity, catching up with friends and family period.

Interesting experience

Acted as a supporting cast for a reality show on Channel 8 last night.

I made Guo Liang and the whole casting crew waited for almost an hour. Oops...

Other than that, it was a really fun, interesting and spontaneous shooting...

Being not so self-conscious help in being natural...

Chatting with the crew was an interesting experience too.

Experience as a Director

Just completed my BLP 3rd weekend on Mon morning. To be honest, we didn't really have completion. We were so so so busy over the weekend that by the time i'm ready to go to work, most of us couldn't even stand straight. We were that tired.

But it was such fun! We had a 48-hour movie making campaign, and I was the assistant director of the movie. Could you imagine not sleeping for 48-hour?

Things we had to do in this crazy 48-hour:
- Align the team (on what movie is it)
- Operations plan
- Crash course on movie-making
- Crash course on editing
- Crash course on directing/ filming effects
- Script- writing
- Make-up
- Location search/ scouting (like where to shoot certain scenes etc)
- Shooting / Re-shooting
- Reviewing the videos
- Editing the scenes
- Piecing the scenes together
- Researching on various film festival to submit our movie to
- Lots of bickering
- Fierce battle-in-progress
- Ensuring the team is still alive
- Crash course on sound effects
- Going around making sure everyone stays awake and being productive
- Creating special segment (like those NGs scenes)
- Create credits for acknowledgements
- Playing the raw movie


I think it's crazy, i think it's fun. I think i was so greenhorn. I think I can get much better.
I realized so much of my strengths, weaknesses, growth, communication, miscommunication, leadership, working style etc. When you are stressed, all these surfaced. I appreciate the growth over this weekend. =)

Shall research more on being a great director.

3rd weekend is here!

Tomorrow is my wave 8 BLP* 3rd weekend.

I'm ending my 3rd semester with:

• Results to show
• Systems in place
• Balls to juggle
• Increased and increasing attraction level
• Sense of loss (people come, people go. *sniffs sniffs*)
• Determination to make things work no matter what
• Formulas that worked and didn't work
• Newfound confidence
• A sexy strategist (hehehe... so cute!)
• Newfound way of communication
  

Alright, can't wait for it to start. Can't wait for it to complete.

BLP* stands for basic leadership program