“要舍才能得，不舍就不得。”

Sometimes when we really want something badly, we got to ask ourselves, how much is it worth?

In chinese there's a saying, “要舍才能得，不舍就不得。”

It means, you need to let go in order for you to get/ receive. If you don't let go, then you can't get/ receive.

Makes me ponder, what is it I was not willing to let go of? What was it I was so attached to?

If I want it the way I want it badly enough, am I ready to lose everything as well?

I think I've reached a point where I'm not willing to settle down for anything less. So here goes...

ALL or NOTHING.

At this point, I had a realization - the thing I was not willing to let go of, was my sense of perfection.

WTF.

And that brings me to back to the starting point - "What should I do next?"

And then another realization came - maybe, I wasn't ready to let go of my indecisiveness.

WTF.

Alright, back to ALL or NOTHING again.

PS: I miss my clarity. I wish she can bring us out of this loop.

I love Me!

Writing this entry to remind myself of this certainty I'm feeling currently.

• No one else can provide me with certainty. Only I can give myself the state of reassurance and certainty I need
• If you want something from someone, and when you are prepared to give him what he wants, you will realize you will get what you want too
• I love myself enough to give myself the certainty that I do want this relationship, a lot.
• The more I try to run away from getting hurt, the more I would be hurt
• The more I try to deny myself from my feelings, the more I find it harder to move on
• The more I try to seek security outside, the more insecured I would feel inside. The more secured I feel inside, the more sense of security I get outside.
• When I stop blocking my emotions from flowing, I am one with my heart and mind.
• I love me.
  
• I love him.
• I love me enough to love him.
• Gosh, I love this feeling of self-love, certainty and sense of security. I am so freaking moved.
• I love me, I love me, I love me.... I love me... Gosh, I love this new me...
• Alright, now what's left is an act of courage... Let's Do It!!!
  

The Courage to Create

I just completed "The Courage to Create" coaching program over the weekend.

What's nice are...

• I did this program with a primary and sec school mate
• Finding out the source for my fear of rejection, lack of trust, independence, lost-ness etc came from
  
• Did many Acts of Courage and let go of many emotional baggage
• Free up a lot of trapped energies
• An ex-crush complimented me that I looked more attractive these days
• I am more charismatic, clear, attractive, free, grounded etc
  
• Deepened self-love and connection to self
• Improved a lot of relationships as a result of these Acts of courage
• Gained a lot of clarity about my life and the direction i'm heading to
• Attracted free bag of fries and a burger
• Had an interesting experience at Vivocity
  

Latest Happenings...

My latest happenings...

• Program Manager for the creation of a leadership program. Working closely with a team of 30 ppl to make this happen.
  
• Assistant Director of a movie (local independent production) - shooting in progress this weekend, but i'm not around... so...
• Helping out at the editing team
• Watched 4 movies within the last 2 weeks. Would be catching another movie this evening
• Practised a lot of chinese at work while working closely with the system analyst from china
• Supporting cast for a local tv reality show. Screening in Dec! Woot!
• Coaching private client from Sotheby. Cool experience~
• Came across this term, Conference Producer, for the 1st time and i think it sounds cool. Hmm...
• Played a few rounds of bball
• Celebrated Halloween and wore costume for my 1st time too.
• Would be reviewing a coaching program this weekend with a pri school mate. Cool~
• Read 3 new books this month. Borrowed another 4 books at the library. Can't wait to finish them all
• Lost 2 kg. But just put on another kg last night after visiting Carl's Jr. >_<
• Meeting new people. Great. Now's high time to catch up with old friends. =)

That's all... would be expecting Nov. to be a month of new experiences, productivity, catching up with friends and family period.

Interesting experience

Acted as a supporting cast for a reality show on Channel 8 last night.

I made Guo Liang and the whole casting crew waited for almost an hour. Oops...

Other than that, it was a really fun, interesting and spontaneous shooting...

Being not so self-conscious help in being natural...

Chatting with the crew was an interesting experience too.

Experience as a Director

Just completed my BLP 3rd weekend on Mon morning. To be honest, we didn't really have completion. We were so so so busy over the weekend that by the time i'm ready to go to work, most of us couldn't even stand straight. We were that tired.

But it was such fun! We had a 48-hour movie making campaign, and I was the assistant director of the movie. Could you imagine not sleeping for 48-hour?

Things we had to do in this crazy 48-hour:
- Align the team (on what movie is it)
- Operations plan
- Crash course on movie-making
- Crash course on editing
- Crash course on directing/ filming effects
- Script- writing
- Make-up
- Location search/ scouting (like where to shoot certain scenes etc)
- Shooting / Re-shooting
- Reviewing the videos
- Editing the scenes
- Piecing the scenes together
- Researching on various film festival to submit our movie to
- Lots of bickering
- Fierce battle-in-progress
- Ensuring the team is still alive
- Crash course on sound effects
- Going around making sure everyone stays awake and being productive
- Creating special segment (like those NGs scenes)
- Create credits for acknowledgements
- Playing the raw movie


I think it's crazy, i think it's fun. I think i was so greenhorn. I think I can get much better.
I realized so much of my strengths, weaknesses, growth, communication, miscommunication, leadership, working style etc. When you are stressed, all these surfaced. I appreciate the growth over this weekend. =)

Shall research more on being a great director.

3rd weekend is here!

Tomorrow is my wave 8 BLP* 3rd weekend.

I'm ending my 3rd semester with:

• Results to show
• Systems in place
• Balls to juggle
• Increased and increasing attraction level
• Sense of loss (people come, people go. *sniffs sniffs*)
• Determination to make things work no matter what
• Formulas that worked and didn't work
• Newfound confidence
• A sexy strategist (hehehe... so cute!)
• Newfound way of communication
  

Alright, can't wait for it to start. Can't wait for it to complete.

BLP* stands for basic leadership program

Tired!

More things to let go...

That includes the sense of loss...

It's a trying phase, and i'm tired...

Just feel like having a good long sleep, and i'll wake up feeling much better...

Let the world outside battle...

I'll join u once the fight's over...

Sigh.

Wisdom says again...

Dear Resignation,

I'm very amused because I could half-imagine you closing your eyes and covering your head to dodge the next boulder to come.

Hahaha...

Maybe you might 1st try opening your eyes and look UP!

What did you see?

Did you see the 15 vents that I see? Or see the sun half setting behind the mountain top?

Or did you see the 3 rocks that just went pass you?

Perhaps if you spend less time cringing, you would probably notice what I see.

I suggest you break the 15vents into 5 sizeable parts, so you can score small wins 1st.

Once you managed to hit your 1st breakthrough, you will start getting used to winning again.

I mean, what do you expect? The rocks at the summit are always more vulnerable than the ones at the bottom right? The rocks at the bottom will always have a larger base, and thus, stronger foundation. Of 'cos you gonna expect the rocks at the top to be shaky. Pardon me for being sarcastic, but you mean you actually didn't factor that in? Sigh...

Why are you ranting about the loose rocks? Like you ranting will make the rocks any firmer.

Ok? I think you've rested enough, and I've pointed out the 15 vents to you. Overcome the 1st part, then let's continue this conversation again.

Good luck!

With Love,
Wisdom Says

PS: Do remember to open your eyes and stop cringing! ; )

It's like...

It's like...

After creating so much amazing results that for a moment, it feels like you've reached another realm of your evolution.

Then Wham! Bam! Boom! Rocks came tumbling down and rolling at high speed after you.

It's like...

After dodging one stone, the next rock, and the next boulder, you feel like giving up, but you tell yourself not to. After all, you didn't climb so high up the mountain just to give up, right?

I dunno when the "giving up" conversation start to kick in... but when it did...

It's like...

An overwhelming sense of resignation, and the previous accomplishments were humbled by the multiple aches and bruises from the rocks.

I looked up at the mountain. It's just one more lap. But i'm resting now, wondering where to summon more inner strength to surmount this last lap.

No, i'm lying when I said i was slacking. I just didn't know how else to climb up. I'm worn out.

I bitched, ranted, complained about the rocks. I tried to attract attention that I can't move on any longer. But I guessed b'cos I climbed so high up already and left almost everyone behind, that few can understand how I'm feeling right now. Or maybe people are too busy climbing that they also feel like ranting themselves. I doubt they even heard me.

Who else can I turn to except inside me?

I feel so discouraged.

I really wanna finish off this last lap. But I'm damn scared to move from my current position. I dunno whether to move my right arm 1st or my left.

I'm so scared that I might fall and sabotaged whatever effort i've put in so far.

Of 'cos, I could always justify that even if I fall, I still have the experience of completing 3/4 of the climb, and no one can take that experience from me.

DUH! Like that is good enough for me. Why would I want to start climbing if I don't climb up to the top?

So how?

Left or right arm? Left or right leg?

Sigh.

LET'S DO IT!!!

I met him on wed for supper.

Mon he came for the preview.

Both of us registered as reviewer for the Nov's batch.

You know, karma has never been so interestingly into your face like now.

Like how 2 years later, you went through one full cycle, only to realize you are still at the starting point.

Perhaps the only difference is how both of us have evolved to the next level of our lives.

Anyway, we're ready to complete the cycle, and the karma.

Great, i'm definitely looking forward to that =)

Lately, with all the lives i've made a difference to over the past 1 month, made me feel like a changed person. Great!

On a separate note, I feel so darn sian at work today. Same old assignment.

Aiyo... need to faster complete it. Dun drag any more!!!

LET'S DO IT!!! BLITZ ARHHH....

The Sign

This is the 3rd time she appeared and called me from the back.

I may be reading too much into things... but I'd rather trust the signs...

I need to watch my back...

Hmm... what is it that I can put in place?

Turn table around.

Now the question is...

How to turn the table around, and cause a deal to happen?

Hmph...

I WILL this to work.

C'mon! Make It Happen!!!

Eventful day

Had an eventful day yesterday:

• Was acknowledged by a senior that I would be managing 2 projects very soon. All that ARC building was good, and paid off.
• Had a step closer towards closing an important deal. Final negotiation phase now. So exciting!
• Added a new collection of books to my library
• Spent some nice time with LY
• Collected laptop from Kel and learnt about the way I ought to study about political leaders should I wish to improve my strategy
  
• Had a fulfilling coaching session with PL
• Enrolled successfully the Channel ICs for coach workshop
• Felt excited at the possibility of me working on my personal attraction, and forward my wave in theirs
  
• Held an alignment meeting with my team. Let's Do It!!!

Updates on 8 core domains

They call it 8 Octagon. They call it "Rice symbol". I call it 8 core domains. Whatever. Here's the updates:

Career: Had breakthrough this week when I went to train end user alone. However, stuck at another assignment. Need to finish that assignment soon before I can request for newer assignments.

Finance: Saw how the cause and effect happened and created a spiral effect to other people. Especially in a preview.

Love/ Romance: In the line of inconvenience and convenience. Should we be doing something about this line? I'm not sure.

Family/ Social: The reaching out in terms of connection, is amazing. The avoidance to wait for the right timing, is not.

Health/ Vitality/ Energy: Should start avoiding red bull.

Effectiveness: The focus and intention are great. What's not is the anxiety.

Freedom: This is good. I like it. Especially freedom to express myself during my preview leading.

Fulfillment: Experience a lot of challenges, which i enjoyed. What could be better is the sustenance of my integration of self.


Note to self: Never lose sight of your theme, "Self-love, Personal Results, Family". Make it Happen!

Official leading assignment

Led a preview with Ben last night.

I appreciate how it was natural, spontaneous, in the moment, quick wit and flow for me. I saw how my XP in leading went up, and I really enjoyed myself. What deserved compliment was how I did my self-introduction. I felt proud of myself when I did my self-intro. It was very different from the way i usually mocked, where I had difficulty in sharing about myself.

I like the way how the crowd loved my jokes/ humor. I like the way how there were feedbacks from a guest that she like the way I spoke, and how I overcome adversity as a teenager.

I love the way the audience reacted positively to my quick-thinking when the video couldn't work, twice.

I enjoyed being myself and using my own language, expression to describe a typical, usual script.

What i need to work on is my uncertainty when it comes to parts where it's not clearly defined who should be leading. I need to watch out not to let self-doubt run me and keep checking in with my partner.

Overall, it was a pity this leading can't be rated for my test, mainly bcos the results weren't ideal. Sigh, what a pity.

Acts of Affirmation

Last night during coach training, we went through the dynamics of relationships.

The acts of affirmation is so darn important. So are the acts of punishment.

From today onwards, I shall master the art of reading one's needs of affirmation, within 10 secs.

Argh!~~~

Sweet Victory (17 Aug 2009)

The breakthroughs last night were amazing.

2 of my friends are about to have their lives changed, and I'm so looking forward to it.

It was a moment of "this-is-so-freaking-cool"!

Broke a 2-year inner barrier I had. In life, there are many kinds of battles. Some battles you fight alongside with comrades. Some battles you just have to avoid them. And there are those battles where you know it's yours, and no one else should end the fight for you.

I fought before many times, and I lost many battles. I licked my wounds, and for 2 years, preparing myself to be stronger. Last night, I fought again. This time, I won. Victory has never been so sweet, and when I cry, I cry of pure... well... pure... victory. The joy of winning yourself. The joy of knowing how much strength i've garnered over these 2 years. The joy of knowing how this 1 victory means so much to me.

I so feel like crying again now...

On a separate note, i'm into Jay Chou's "Jian Dan Ai" song these 2 days.

I think... I feel love again... I think... I am in love again... =)

Power. Leadership. Control.

So I was in this conversation.

It was running me.

She says...

Integration is necessary. You can't have half of you feeling vulnerable, and half of you desiring power, leadership and control.

How can you achieve One-ness? That is the key.

Till you achieve that One-ness, be true to who you are. Dun be afraid of being ridiculed, misunderstood, tired... b'cos no one can walk your path except you.

Never lose sight of what's important, in exchange of temporary inconvenience.

Stay - Oneheart.

A flood

It is one of those days, when the mind is filled with thousand and one questions from no where, as though fighting their way out from a repressed force.

Here comes the flood:

• What the f&*k am i doing here?
• What's the purpose? What's the point?
• Where's the boundary?
• What is control?
• Why am i so triggered to be in control?
• What's wrong with that?
• What have i thought of?
• How brilliant can I be?
• How can I grow as a strategist?
• How can I grow as a commander?
• Do they clash? Why? Why not?
• How to create self-momentum and sustain it? By hitting "X" slow and steady? Is that all?
  
• What have I missed out?
• Why do i reject control? Why do i reject command?
• Should I have stepped up anyway?
• How to win the hearts of many?
• How to tell if one is bearing the resentments of many? Like bean.
• How to convey the depth of what I see in simple words?
• When can I reach the level where i convey depth of clarity like sprouting poetry?
• Why should I care if people care?
• Why am I so into the whole, every single part of me must be fully aligned? It's-ok-to-wait-a-while-longer-to-integrate-the-rest-of-me.
  
• Why am i no longer jumping into things?
  
• What's wrong with putting up a strong front?
• What's wrong with stepping into power?
• What's wrong with being freaking alone?
• Must all leaders be lonely?
• Is creating distant equivalent to increasing respect?
• How can I apply whatever i'm learning now into my life?
• Why is there still such a big gap between my strengths and what i'm used for?
• How to bridge that gap?
• Why am I always tired? of everything... why?
• What can I be used for?
• Why do i even care about that?
• I want importance. How to get there?
• What moves should I be taking now?

About time i realized... they talked the same, sounded the same, came from same source. I should have suspected it's some lunatic conversations running wild. Same source. Makes me wonder... what triggered them. Makes me wonder... how can I transcend them? Makes me wonder... how deep can I go this time? Makes me wonder... who can understand me?

Makes me wonder... who is this that is speaking now?

BLP Wave 8 2nd Weekend

Tomorrow is BLP Wave 8's 2nd weekend...

I'm looking forward to it.

Current State:

Stillness in the water - I see the depth

A step into power - I sense the world is changing

Transcend the world - I think i've understood some egos along the way

Listen to the heart - I feel the sound of fear is barely audible

Integration and Integrated - I say what I mean, and mean what I say

Grace in delivery - I flow and fold conversations

Race is not completed yet - I go... eh... 3 more months left. Better run faster, harder and more effectively.

An Emotional Rollercoaster

One of my MCW clients is embarking on her writing project. After checking out her blog, I was inspired to blog an entry as well. Check out her blog: http://wherethiseaglenests.blogspot.com/

Have been musing a lot about my life lately. I've been through quite a fair bit of emotional roller coaster. I experienced:

• The Sweet Victory of having managed a successful event with a bunch of people I care a lot
• The Hermit withdrawing from the world and human so that she can have her solitude (in short, it means being a potato couch)
  
• The Stillness in my heart when I looked at the scenery as I'm blogging this
• The Pride of a lady whom refused to acknowledge her feelings
• The Courage of a cub to confront her weaknesses
• The Brilliance of inspiration in self-coaching
• The Sinking feeling of reality setting in that nothing BIG is accomplished, yet
• The Tiredness from all the emotional turmoil
• The Awe in having breakthroughs in my life and seeing how much I've changed
• The Introvert who says, "Let's keep this entry, short and simple"
  

6-steps to get out of feeling overwhelmed/ lost

Dear Wisdom,

I'm feeling lost, overwhelmed, very stuck in my life right now. I've lost clarity again and i really want to move on. What should I do now?

All my energies are focused on feeling self-doubt, overwhelmed, stagnant, stuck, lost, and confronted. What should I do next??? There are so many things I need to handle right now, but I don't know where and how to begin. =(

Feel really lousy now. Sigh.

Please talk to me and tell me what to do next.

Please help me,
-=Lost Girl=-

--

Dear Lost Girl,

Would like to 1st acknowledge the emotional turmoil you're going thru currently. Things must be difficult for you when the road ahead is unclear. Sometimes, when we are stuck, all we need is a helping hand to lead us thru the right path, or shine the light to see where you are. However, most people would feel too stuck to call for help. Remember - for every problem, there must be a solution ; )

Here're a few steps you can start to take on and try if it works for you.

Step 1- you got to understand where are you in your life. I'm referring to the positioning you are with regards to your goals and targets. If you have a goal of $50k target, for example, are you facing backwards, face down, left, right or what? I'm referring to energetic & mental-wise. If you can locate your position with regards to your goal, we can do something about your progress

Step 2 - what has been done so far? Usually when someone is feeling overwhelmed, it's b'cos he/she over-lapsed many things together and trying to figure out where and how to begin. If that's the case for you, i suggest you start by breaking down the different areas of your life into columns. In each column, list down the target/ goal you have. List down the things you should be doing such that it will lead you to your goal directly. Next, list down all the things you've done so far. I meant direct actions, instead of indirect actions.
For example, Column 1 - Health. Target - Lose 5 kg in 7 weeks. Direct Actions - Jog 3 times a week. Eat 1/2 bowl of rice each meal. No soft drinks! What I have done - Jog once a week. Managed to reduce soft drinks intake to once per day from 3 times a day.

Step 3rd - Have a priority system. It could be that your priority system is based on time-critical, or whether the tasks bring in the most money. Your priority system would depend on 1) how practical is it in forwarding your life, 2) whether it fits your values, and 3) what you need most at this point in your life. Create a priority system for the different areas in your life to see which is the most important. Make sure you know what your priority system is based on.

Step 4 - Block out your schedule. Once you have a priority system in place, block out the schedule to tackle the most critical ones 1st. Or for some people, what motivates them is creating small wins for themselves. So they would actually prefer to tackle the least important ones and work their way up the list. If that method works for you, try that instead.

Step 5 - Minimize your gap between your goals and current skill sets. Once you are done working your way thru your list, start looking at the missing gap between your skill sets and your goals. What skill sets or knowledge do you need to gain in order for you to progress faster? What would you need to have or be in order to be in FLOW?

Step 6 - Acquire the skills. GO FOR IT and MAKE THINGS HAPPEN! =)

Let me know if it works! ; )

Theme for 2009

This is an update since I came back from my Cambodia Trip on 1st Jan 09. Here were some of the cool things I did during the trip:

• Rode on a white horse for the 1st time in my life!!!
• Went horse riding again, this time I rode for an hour around the country side & was able to gallop and maneuver the horse quite confidently!
• Went on a Quad Adventure for the 1st time (Quad is a 4-wheel BIG motor bike)
• Had 3 massages (including 1 unforgettable one *shudders*)
  
• Celebrated count down and the whole lights in the street went OUT
• Nearly did not make it for the airport trip back to Singapore in time
• Tried ermmm.... fried cricket for the 1st time
• Went temple-shopping/ tomb-raiding. I finally experienced a thing called, "Overdose of temple-visiting"
• Went Angkor Wat 3 times (it's supposed to be one of 7 wonders of the world)
• Watched National Treasure & South Park in Hotel >_<
• Went to Cambodia mine (the energy of the place affected me that I cried)
• Celebrated my b'day out of Singapore for the 1st time
• Went to play Casino legally for the 1st time in my life! And actually won! =D
  

In short, many 1st times in my life. It was qte a gd experience, save for the fact that Siem Reap was too pricey for a 3rd world country! If you are keen to visit Cambodia, try Phnom Penh instead.

After I'm back, I did...

• Learnt Tarot reading & created my tarot cards
• A guest for BLP preview
• Sign up for BLP wave 8
  
• Attracted an opportunity in AdvantEdge as Accounts Executive, a role which i've always wanted
• Attracted several other job opportunitues
• Watched 2 movies
• And a lot more mandane stuffs

Every year, it's customary for me to create a theme for 2009. So before Jan and CNY is over, here's My Theme for 2009:

Self-Love, Personal Results, Family


Happy New Year to All!