Tuesday, 28 July 2009

A flood

It is one of those days, when the mind is filled with thousand and one questions from no where, as though fighting their way out from a repressed force.

Here comes the flood:
  • What the f&*k am i doing here?
  • What's the purpose? What's the point?
  • Where's the boundary?
  • What is control?
  • Why am i so triggered to be in control?
  • What's wrong with that?
  • What have i thought of?
  • How brilliant can I be?
  • How can I grow as a strategist?
  • How can I grow as a commander?
  • Do they clash? Why? Why not?
  • How to create self-momentum and sustain it? By hitting "X" slow and steady? Is that all?
  • What have I missed out?
  • Why do i reject control? Why do i reject command?
  • Should I have stepped up anyway?
  • How to win the hearts of many?
  • How to tell if one is bearing the resentments of many? Like bean.
  • How to convey the depth of what I see in simple words?
  • When can I reach the level where i convey depth of clarity like sprouting poetry?
  • Why should I care if people care?
  • Why am I so into the whole, every single part of me must be fully aligned? It's-ok-to-wait-a-while-longer-to-integrate-the-rest-of-me.
  • Why am i no longer jumping into things?
  • What's wrong with putting up a strong front?
  • What's wrong with stepping into power?
  • What's wrong with being freaking alone?
  • Must all leaders be lonely?
  • Is creating distant equivalent to increasing respect?
  • How can I apply whatever i'm learning now into my life?
  • Why is there still such a big gap between my strengths and what i'm used for?
  • How to bridge that gap?
  • Why am I always tired? of everything... why?
  • What can I be used for?
  • Why do i even care about that?
  • I want importance. How to get there?
  • What moves should I be taking now?

About time i realized... they talked the same, sounded the same, came from same source. I should have suspected it's some lunatic conversations running wild. Same source. Makes me wonder... what triggered them. Makes me wonder... how can I transcend them? Makes me wonder... how deep can I go this time? Makes me wonder... who can understand me?

Makes me wonder... who is this that is speaking now?

No comments: