Power. Leadership. Control.

So I was in this conversation.

It was running me.

She says...

Integration is necessary. You can't have half of you feeling vulnerable, and half of you desiring power, leadership and control.

How can you achieve One-ness? That is the key.

Till you achieve that One-ness, be true to who you are. Dun be afraid of being ridiculed, misunderstood, tired... b'cos no one can walk your path except you.

Never lose sight of what's important, in exchange of temporary inconvenience.

Stay - Oneheart.

A flood

It is one of those days, when the mind is filled with thousand and one questions from no where, as though fighting their way out from a repressed force.

Here comes the flood:

• What the f&*k am i doing here?
• What's the purpose? What's the point?
• Where's the boundary?
• What is control?
• Why am i so triggered to be in control?
• What's wrong with that?
• What have i thought of?
• How brilliant can I be?
• How can I grow as a strategist?
• How can I grow as a commander?
• Do they clash? Why? Why not?
• How to create self-momentum and sustain it? By hitting "X" slow and steady? Is that all?
  
• What have I missed out?
• Why do i reject control? Why do i reject command?
• Should I have stepped up anyway?
• How to win the hearts of many?
• How to tell if one is bearing the resentments of many? Like bean.
• How to convey the depth of what I see in simple words?
• When can I reach the level where i convey depth of clarity like sprouting poetry?
• Why should I care if people care?
• Why am I so into the whole, every single part of me must be fully aligned? It's-ok-to-wait-a-while-longer-to-integrate-the-rest-of-me.
  
• Why am i no longer jumping into things?
  
• What's wrong with putting up a strong front?
• What's wrong with stepping into power?
• What's wrong with being freaking alone?
• Must all leaders be lonely?
• Is creating distant equivalent to increasing respect?
• How can I apply whatever i'm learning now into my life?
• Why is there still such a big gap between my strengths and what i'm used for?
• How to bridge that gap?
• Why am I always tired? of everything... why?
• What can I be used for?
• Why do i even care about that?
• I want importance. How to get there?
• What moves should I be taking now?

About time i realized... they talked the same, sounded the same, came from same source. I should have suspected it's some lunatic conversations running wild. Same source. Makes me wonder... what triggered them. Makes me wonder... how can I transcend them? Makes me wonder... how deep can I go this time? Makes me wonder... who can understand me?

Makes me wonder... who is this that is speaking now?

BLP Wave 8 2nd Weekend

Tomorrow is BLP Wave 8's 2nd weekend...

I'm looking forward to it.

Current State:

Stillness in the water - I see the depth

A step into power - I sense the world is changing

Transcend the world - I think i've understood some egos along the way

Listen to the heart - I feel the sound of fear is barely audible

Integration and Integrated - I say what I mean, and mean what I say

Grace in delivery - I flow and fold conversations

Race is not completed yet - I go... eh... 3 more months left. Better run faster, harder and more effectively.