I feel so so so.....

Today's 22nd March. My flight's on 4th April, right after POC weekend. With only 8 days left before I leave for China, I'm pressed for time. Like seriously.

I'm feeling a mixed of emotions within; bubbling, boiling and waiting...

I feel like crying for help because there're just too much things to clear and seriously lacked time to handle them.

I feel like disappearing without communications. I feel tired of everything and I just want to rest and do nothing.

I feel like doing everything all at once, making things happen and ensuring I clear as much responsibilities as possible before I head over.

I feel like spending more time with my family and loved ones. I feel like not spending anytime with anyone except myself.

I am so looking forward to my trip. I am so dreading my trip.

I feel like getting things done. I feel like dropping everything and who gives a damn.

I feel like socializing with the entire world. I feel like shutting myself away from the entire world.

I feel like bitching, moaning and whining. I feel like I'm seriously wasting time and energy to blog this entry now.

I feel like I miss the entire world. I feel like I am ready to leave behind this part of my world.

I feel...

maybe it is time to stop blogging...

and get back to my work.

Responsibility

I learnt that I cannot rescue other people from their destiny and that trying to do so can undermine their strength.

Instead of drawing conclusions, draw wisdom instead and have it manifest in your life.

The heart hurts. Hear what it says.

Accept the fact that it happened. Let it go, be complete and move on.

Never repeat same mistake twice.

Completion for 2010

2010 has been a crazy year for me. Here's my completion for last year.

I did A LOT of Acts of Courage (AOCs):

• There was a week when I took on the challenge of clearing 50 AOCs and clutters each (because one of my clients cleared 32 AOCs and clutters so I thought I should take it on too)
• Stepped up as Course Supervisor for Freedom in Money program
  
• Wrote and gave love letters to each of my family members
• Completed my relationship with a guy
• Stepped into a new relationship (despite the lack of faith that it may not work out)
• Let go and moved on from that relationship
  
• Collected a 5-year old debt
• Returned an autograph book I owed for 3 years
• Coached the master certified coach (finally!)
• Got into a cab to chase after a bus (so I could find out why the driver didn't stop for me)
• Got red hot manicure
• Wore the green tank top I avoided for 2 years
• Shared the truth in front of the coaching body (for MCW 1210)
  
• Among many others...

I made a difference by stepping up for leading and coaching assignments:

• Led 4 x "Making Courage Work" (MCW) programs - 0110, 0410, 1110, 1210 (each MCW program is 8-week long. So that's 32 weeks of commitment >_<)
• Led 6 x "The Courage to Create" previews
  
• Led 5 x "Basic Leadership Program" previews
• Led 6 x technical trainings for the coaches (C1AA, C1A, C1B)
• Led 2 x "Professional Coach Training Program 1"
• Led 3 x ad-hoc trainings (on communication, invitation & coach upgrade)
• Led 8 x C1AA trainings (that's another 8 weeks of commitment)
• Set 2 rounds of exam papers (for C1A, and C1AA)
• Coached 10 clients
• Supervised 9 coaches
• Tested 2 C1A coaches (took on 2 personal projects as well)
  

I was thirsty for knowledge:

• Read 40 - 50 books
• Watched many videos on strategy
• Attended monthly coach, and leading trainings
• Reviewed "Principles of Seduction" program

I received some really nice gifts in December:

• Precious moment figurine with violin from Xing Lun
  
• Wall paper and a lovely card from Dorothy
• Cookie and choc from my "coach" cum testee, Cindy
• Purple tulip from my "coach" cum testee, Huimin
• Citigem necklace, and nice choc cake from my brother
• SK Jewellery necklace from my sisters/ sec sch friends
• A treat to Universal Studio by my dearest er mei

2010 was really - Crazy. And I grew a lot, got myself out of the comfort zone many times, fell down and got up again.

Some other random highlights of 2010:

• Took bus from Larkin to JB custom for the 1st time as I visited my grandpa over Good friday's weekend. That weekend was great.
• Received but lost the chance to be featured on the radio
• A lot of ding-dong-ing in my career when I received news that I would be going China
• Found a bistro I'd like to co-own. Over the last 2 months, I brought 31 people to that bistro. With my China trip pending, I wonder when would be the next time I speak to the director(s) again regarding our partnership
• Had lunch with Michelle Saram by chance (and found out she co-owned 2 restaurants)
• Picked up violin again and learnt the songs I've always wanted to learn
  
• Did prawn fishing for the 1st time
• Danced in the fountain (in front of SMU Li Ka Shing Library)
• Participated in a salsa dance competition and got top 3
• Opened a new savings account
• Treated my parents to Singapore flyer and a nice seafood meal. Brought them to ECI's office at Henderson.
• Wrapped up the year by holding a traditional X'mas dinner gathering for the 1st time and 16 ppl. turned up! Nice.

Every year, I would set a new theme for my life. Here's a recap of the themes I have had over the past 5 years:

Theme for 2010: Strategist, Personal Wealth Accumulation, Commander

Theme for 2009: Self-Love, Personal Results, Family

Theme for 2008: Integrity, Relationships & Discipline

Theme for 2007: Performance, Effectiveness & Results

Theme for 2007: Love, Wisdom & Courage

For 2011, my theme is "Pleasant Surprises, Best of the Best Time of My Life & Responsibilities".

Recent random thoughts...

Recent random thoughts...

• If I run away from commitment, how can I ever step into my own power and control?
• Courage is taking that step to forward my dreams and goals in spite of knowing I might fail.
• Life is difficult. That is why, it is fun.
• How to be completely in love and detached at the same time?
• What are my patterns in relationships? / How do I sabotage my relationships?
• What are his patterns in relationships? / How does he sabotage his relationships?
• What is the RIGHT thing to do now? And when is the RIGHT time to do it?
• Sometimes, it's not about what I want anymore. It is about what would forward the organization in 3 waves to come. And matching that to my personal growth. It's about finding that RIGHT alignment and balance.
• Sometimes, life just doesn't make sense anymore. Lately, I don't make sense to myself anymore. I think I've changed quite a fair bit.
• Busy with activities does not mean GROWTH/ Evolution.

What is it you really want?

You really need to think far and deep...

What is it you really want to do?

And how much are you willing to give up just to make it happen?

If taking on one path requires that much sacrifices and you plan to walk double paths, how much are you willing to give up just to make that happen, supposing it is even possible?

Otherwise, it becomes a constant tiptop on a platform that's not stable enough.

So... what is it you really want to do?

Set it free

"If you love something, set it free; if it comes back it's yours, if it doesn't, it never meant to be."

Sigh.

The day when I seeked the truth

Finally, after struggling to find the answer for so long, I decided to seek the truth.

Now that I have gotten the truth, I'm not too sure how I ought to react.

At least I'm clear that the struggling is no longer present. And I need to start getting used to this fact.